“Hello, Dusknoir,” said someone from the door. Dusknoir glanced up in annoyance and saw Dr. Sceptile carrying yet another form. Dr. Sceptile was also wearing his ceremonial armor, in contrast to Dusknoir, who was wearing his everyday TIN cloak, with metallic lines running down its side as usual.
“Hello, Dr. Sceptile. Why have you come today? Ordinarily you’re running your company,” Dusknoir responded.
“I know, I know,” Dr. Sceptile said coolly, “but Dialga needs my help, and my ceremonial armor looks better. Besides, I’m monitoring the company right now.”
“Really,” Dusknoir said, “why don’t you just give me that form-“
Dusknoir was cutoff when four beings flew into his office. Dr. Sceptile jumped back in surprise, and the door slammed shut. The beings revealed themselves to be Azelf, Uxie, Mespirit, and Missingno., who was attempting to restrain the three pixies from beating each other up.
“Why are you fighting?” Dusknoir asked cautiously. Missingno. transformed into his Kabutops form and bowed while Dr. Sceptile helped to restrain the Lake Pixies.
“lord dusknoir,” Missingno. rasped, “lord uxie, azelf, and mespirit were attempting to decide their choice of destination for vacation. mespirit was in favor of paris, france, although i doubt that fits the criteria for a vacation. azelf was yearning to go to new mexico, so that he could beat up some ‘russians’. and lord uxie, well…”
“Well what?” Dusknoir asked, and was answered when all three pixies started talking at once.
“It’s a bad idea, I know it, Uxie-“ snapped Mespirit.
“It sounds rather amusing, but I want to beat up some Russians! Are there any-“ Azelf continued.
“Aren’t the teams good enough? Russia’s too cold-“ responded Uxie.
“The teams aren’t enough!” roared Azelf, “I’ve seen smarted brain-dead Magikarp! Let’s beat up some Russians-“
“No! Paris! The city of love-“ replied Mespirit angrily.
“But there will be-“ Uxie tried to reason.
“ENOUGH!” roared Dusknoir. The pixies glanced at Dusknoir in fright as he glared at them, and suddenly Missingno. had transformed into a Tangrowth who was pinning each of the pixies down.
“Tell us what Uxie wants to do,” Dr. Sceptile said, “Missingno.”
“of course,” replied Missingno. “lord uxie wishes to mount an expedition to another world and run a psychological test. he has said that the goal is to see how humans-“
“React when they’re on high concentrations of toothpaste or something?” Dr. Sceptile growled. “We’re fighting a war here, Uxie. We don’t need any useless experiments right now.”
“Calm down,” ordered Dusknoir. “Continue, Missingno.”
“of course, lord dusknoir. lord uxie decided that he would test the reaction of humans to prolonged, energy-absorbent, combative, albeit public, nudity,” responded Missingno.
For a second or two Dusknoir and Dr. Sceptile stared at Missingno., and then Uxie, and then Missingno. “Let me guess,” sighed Dr. Sceptile, “prolonged means that the subjects will be nekkid for a long period of time, obviously. Energy-absorbent I have no idea about. Combative probably just means that they will use their nekkid bodies to distract the enemy. Public is obvious.”
“Indeed,” Dusknoir added. “Explain the rest.”
“lord uxie’s idea is that when naked the test-subjects shall absorb psychic energy from the air and use it as backup,” Missingno. explained.
“So they’re all unclothed and such so that they have a backup?” Dr. Sceptile asked incredulously. Missingno. attempted to nod.
“Combative also includes absorbed energy,” Uxie added.
“Alright, alright,” Dusknoir said, sitting at his desk. Then he said, “how do you ensure that they do not absorb so much energy that they explode or something?”
“lord uxie said that the plan entails the psychic energy being depleted the more energy that is stored. in addition, parts of the human body will be enlarged to store energy. this energy also apparently allows lord uxie, azelf, and mespirit to use their abilities and to communicate with their trainers. finally, there is a specific action the subject must undergo to absorb energy,” Missingno. explained.
“Do I even want to know?” moaned Dr. Sceptile.
“the enlarged parts are-“ Missingno. began, misinterpreting Dr. Sceptile’s order, “on women, the gluteus maximus and the organ with which they produce milk for their offspring. for men, their reproductive organ and associated flesh are enlarged.”
“Huh?” asked Azelf in confusion.
“He means the…butt, breasts, and male reproductive organs,” Dusknoir interpreted.
“It’s called the-“ Uxie added, but was silenced when Dr. Sceptile held a Leaf Blade up to his neck and dared him to go on.
“i never said i approve of it, lord dusknoir,” added Missingno. hastily. “anyway, in order to store energy, the male must be unclothed, but an-“
“We get it,” Dr. Sceptile said deadpan, albeit a bit disgusted.
“well, in any case, if he ignores it, it will store energy,” Missingno. continued. “for females, they may be clothed or unclothed, but they must either shake their rears or-“
“TMI! TMI! TMI!” shouted Dr. Sceptile, nearly beheading Uxie in the process.
“Squeamish, Dr. Sceptile?” Mespirit taunted.
“I thought you were against this idea,” thundered Dusknoir, causing Mespirit to recoil in fear.
“I’m sorry, Dusknoir, but the more I find out the details, the more that I want to join Uxie,” Mespirit pouted.
“Yeah,” added Azelf, “I sometimes have a hard time feeling emotions, so I’ll just leech off of my subject. I still want to kill some Russians.”
Missingno. attempted to shrug at the pixies’ comments and continued, “but in order for them to suck in energy, the test subjects must be embarrassed.”
“Dare I ask how?” Dr. Sceptile said deadpan.
“you are a smart mon, dr. sceptile. i think you can figure it out,” Missingno. responded.
“Yeah…” Dr. Sceptile trailed off.
“Anything else before I order my Sableye to kill you while Master Dialga asks Arceus for a new group of Lake Pixies?” Dusknoir asked, crossing his arms.
“Isn’t that a bit… over the top?” Mespirit whimpered.
“No,” responded Dusknoir.
“yes, lord uxie has one final requirement. in order for this experiment to begin, lord uxie, mespirit, and azelf must appear before their subjects while they are naked, all at the same time. once they accept their contract, their parts will be enlarged-“
“The… ‘storage areas’?” Dr. Sceptile added.
“yes, yes. i do not know how the subjects will react to lord uxie, mespirit, and azelf’s gift, but that is part of the expirement. Unown will record for them,” Missingno. finished.
“So how do they get back their clothes? Will they be nudists who will be frozen to death or something?” Dusknoir demanded.
“After some time, the clothes will reconstitute,” Uxie snapped, “and the opponents shall be Team Aqua, Team Magma, Team Rocket, and finally Team Galactic.”
“From Missingno.’s description,” added Azelf, “it seems as if in times of danger or when fighting the teams, the clothes will vanish and they will begin to gather energy.”
“If all their pokémon go down,” said Mespirit, “I presume that their stored energy will be utilized.”
Once more, Dusknoir and Dr. Sceptile were silent. Suddenly, they began to laugh. “You know what, go on that vacation of yours,” said Dusknoir after a minute, “kill Cyrus with a couple of… couple of… nudists! That will show him!”
“Yeah,” added Dr. Sceptile after wiping a tear from his eye, “just make sure that no sex occurs, or I will send Temporal Knights to punish you.”
“I suppose this is Cyrus’ reward for capturing Master Dialga: being beaten by a couple of nudists living out Uxie’s preferences,” added Dusknoir.
“Have fun,” added Dr. Sceptile as Dusknoir began writing down orders for another observation. The three pixies abruptly warped out after glaring at Dusknoir and Dr. Sceptile, and Dusknoir, Missingno., and Dr. Sceptile collapsed into laughter again for all of thirty seconds.
“I believe that we shall observe this and see what mistakes Uxie and the others make,” Dusknoir said.
“I can’t wait until Giovanni attacks the test subjects’ little unprotected bottoms,” added Dr. Sceptile.
“too much spirit for cyrus, won’t there be?” laughed Missingno. The three pokémon nodded and left the room.
