~I'm sure if it was that easy, everyone would just go up there and check.
How can there be self-help “groups”?
~They don't help each other directly.
Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dog's face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
~Yeah, I hate dogs.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
~Love is blind, but it's deep. Beauty, however, is only skin deep and not blind.
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
~It doesn't talk.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?
~Regular spoons and forks. I went to China... besides, Asian countries outside of China don't use chopsticks.
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
~To be helped. LOL
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
~First of all lightning zigzags only in cartoons. Also, even though it is zigzagging, it's going in multiple straight lines, each of which have a constant speed... so it's probably the same.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
~That's nice, but what's the question?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
~What?
Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?
~Probably, and they probably don't care. Do people who eat desserts know that spelling it backwards is Stressed? Yeah, that's what I thought.
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
~Probably, I enjoy it.
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
~All the time.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
~Because evolution doesn't cause extinction.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
~Deers are free to do what they want, the sign is a warning for people based on statistics.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
~Bread.
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
~I think whoever made this question up was smoking crack.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
~If it happened during a live performace, possibly.
How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?
~What??
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
~Because it can expire. Flavor isn't everything.
How did a fool and his money get together?
~Life's savings.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
~Both.
Can you get cavities in your dentures from using too much artificial sweetener?
~No.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?
~It's called Onomatopoeia.
A few more:
If you worked at a Coke factory and were caught drinking Pepsi at work, would they fire you?
Are kids who act in R-rated movies allowed to see them?
When in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
Why does Goofy walk on two legs while Pluto walks on four, if they're both the same species?
And here's one I thought of myself based on a personal experience:
How come, when you're out camping and roasting marshmallows, but you don't have skewers, so everyone uses sticks that they find on the ground, yet when one person finds an actual skewer there it's "dirty"?
